Thursday, June 30, 2011

June was really rough, especially the last couple weeks. Praying that July is better.
I have a lot to blog about but am too tired right now, plus I have a nasty cold:(, hopefully I'll get to it soon.
I really miss him.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

And just to make the weekend even better Nate just started puking his guts out and has diarrhea :( great...

Friday, June 17, 2011

4 months

I really hate the 16th. It is always a rough day. It's just so crazy how 4 months can feel so long and so short all at the same time. I feel like this week has been extra rough for some reason.

I am really dreading Fathers Day. Last Sunday at church a member of the primary presidency came up to me and told me that the kids will be singing Families Can Be Together Forever in sacrament for Fathers Day instead of the usual I'm So Glad When Daddy Gets Home so that the boys would feel more comfortable singing with them. When we got home from church I asked them if they were excited to sing in sacrament the next week and one of them (I think Nik) said "We don't have to sing. It's for the dads and we don't have a dad". It truly broke my heart. I looked at him and said "You will be singing, because you do have a dad. And I'm sure he will be watching you sing to him on Sunday". It just hurt so badly because that is the one thing I never want the boys to think, that they don't have a dad. I hope and pray that one day they will understand how hard he fought and how badly he wanted to stay here with them. that I've made myself cry yet again today (not that that is unusual) I am going to post some pictures of some actual fun things we have done lately.
The boys started golf lessons and they absolutely love it! The coaches are really impressed with how good they are, especially Noah, that kid can hit a golf ball. Hopefully Clint gets to see them when they are there hitting balls, he would be so proud. Here they are at their first lesson (Nik, Nate, Noah)
Then last Saturday we went to the Ryan Shupe & the Rubberband concert at the Sandy amphitheater. It was so fun! My mom and dad came with us and we had a blast. I truly love those guys. Clint and I have taken the boys to their summer concert and their Christmas concert every year pretty much since they were born. It was a little rough, really made me miss him, but I'm so glad we went. All my boys are huge Shupe fans! He even sang mine and Clint's favorite song All I Need you can check it out here. If you haven't been to one of their shows you are missing out!
My dad came over on Wednesday and cut down my big ugly tree in the backyard. I really hope my dad survives all this house stuff that he does for me. I truly don't know what I'd do with out him. Thanks dad! I forgot to take a picture until he was halfway done, but you get the idea right?!?
We also had 'Christmas in June' at our house. I told the boys before we moved in that we could get a playset and a trampoline and I finally made good on that promise. They are pretty excited, they sneak out every morning when they wake up and go jump on the tramp in their pj's. It makes me smile :) Oh and just a word of advice if you are looking for tramps online make sure you google trampolines and not tramps, unfortunately I learned this from experience:/ Here is all our new toys framed by the beautiful sunset we had last night. (Notice, no ugly tree:)
Jenny is at girls camp this week so we got to have 3 of her kiddos come and sleep over last night and play today. So this is pretty much what our entire day consisted of...
Thanks to everyone who continues to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. It truly means so much and helps more than you will ever know. And here's to praying that I make it through Fathers Day without a complete mental breakdown...

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I just want him back.

My heart is really hurting tonight.

I just want him to kiss me goodnight.

Everything is hard without him.

I really wish I could be more positive, but it's really hard.

He is the optimistic one.

I miss his optimism.

I miss everything.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Why is it so hard to get out of bed in the morning?
I feel like such a horrible mom these days.
I really miss Clint.