Seriously why am I awake right now! So much for the melatonin working so great :(
I have so much on my mind. Have really been struggling the last few days. I just feel so lonely, and it's not that I haven't been around people lately. I just don't know what it is, it's like a whole new loneliness has set in.
I don't understand where it's coming from. I just passed the 2 year mark of Clint's diagnosis (it was on Saturday), so I don't know if that's it. Plus it's my birthday tomorrow. I don't know why that bothers me so much. But it does. I just really hate the thought that I'm getting older without him. I've never cared about getting older, but I also always thought we'd be doing it together. It's really scary to think that I only have a couple more years and I'll be older than he got to be.
I just miss him so much! I'd give anything to just feel his arms around me, or to feel his kiss on my lips. I really need him. What was God thinking? I really don't want to do this alone anymore.
Ugh! I really need some sleep. Hopefully I'll get some and then things will seem a little brighter. It's a good thing I have three amazing boys who keep me going. Love those little guys more than anything!
One Day At A Time!
I can do this!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
So the last few weeks the boys have had homophones for their spelling words. A couple weeks ago they had the words vain, vein, and vane so I was trying to explain the different meanings for them all. We talked about the vein in your body and the weather vane and then I was trying to explain vain. I said something like "If you think you're prettier than someone or better than someone than you're vain" and Nate looked up at me and said "That's how I felt before you cut my hair". I was laughing SO hard. He was so serious, I don't think he's ever going to forgive me for cutting his hair! Oh Nate I love you!! And I'm really sorry that you don't feel so vain anymore ;)