Saturday, July 30, 2011

I just want to say thank you to the amazing friends in my life!

You know who you are...
You are the ones that save my kids from completely hating me by giving us all something fun to do.
You are the ones who save my sanity by taking me on much needed girls nights out.
You are the ones who listen to me vent over and over again.
You are the ones who keep me going everyday even when I don't want to do it anymore.
And a million more amazing things...

I am so lucky!


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

23 Weeks

161 days
Since I've seen his face
Felt his kiss
Heard him tell me he loved me
It's been long enough

I felt like I was doing fairly well
But things seem to be getting harder
I'm just done being without him
I just want to tell God (let's not lie, I have told Him)
That's enough, You need to bring him back now
It's been long enough

I hate having to make every decision for me and the boys
I hate not having him here to talk things over with
To agree or disagree with me
I just want to hear him talk to me

It's just really hard
Even when we are doing fun things it almost pisses me off, because all I can think of is 'I wish he was here' 'I wish he could see this'
But in all honesty pretty much everything pisses me off these days. I'm pissed when I see happy couples because I want the love of my life back. I'm pissed when I see unhappy couples, don't they know how lucky they are to be alive and have each other right there. Let's face it I'm just pissed when I see couples period! I'm pissed when I see old people, because they're old and Clint will never grow old with me.
(Sorry about the overusage of the word pissed.)

I don't want to be angry
I want to be happy
And sometimes I really am
But I just miss him
So much
Every second

I know that I am truly blessed, sometimes it's just hard to think of that through the grief
But I am
I am loved by the most amazing man
I have three amazing boys who love me even through all my craziness
I have an awesome, supportive extended family
I have the greatest friends
I have a Heavenly Father who loves me (even when I'm angry with him)
And a Savior who died for me, and who knows exactly how I'm feeling
Plus a million other things I've been blessed with

I guess I just need to try harder to concentrate on the blessings list and not so much on the pissed off list

I'm trying, I'm really trying

Saturday, July 16, 2011

5 months...

I found this on a widow blog the other day and it pretty much sums up how I feel

"The incapacitating sadness that saps all energy yet prevents you from sleep"

I just miss him so much and it seems to be getting harder. Why does life have to be so hard?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Soggy Golf

The boys had their last day of golf camp today. Unfortunately the rain decided to make an appearance as well. We made it through 5 holes thinking the rain would let up but it just didn't! We were all completely soaked and Noah was freezing so we finally gave up! But the boys love golf and I'm so glad. It is really hard to see them play without Clint here, I find myself wiping away tears all the time watching them. He would be so proud!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Nik's Black Eye

Nik got his first shiner!
He got in a fight with Nate's doorknob and the doorknob won :)
Why can't my brain just shut off at night?!?
Really missing Clint, can't believe it's been 20 weeks without him.
How is this my life?