23 Weeks

161 days
Since I've seen his face
Felt his kiss
Heard him tell me he loved me
It's been long enough

I felt like I was doing fairly well
But things seem to be getting harder
I'm just done being without him
I just want to tell God (let's not lie, I have told Him)
That's enough, You need to bring him back now
It's been long enough

I hate having to make every decision for me and the boys
I hate not having him here to talk things over with
To agree or disagree with me
I just want to hear him talk to me

It's just really hard
Even when we are doing fun things it almost pisses me off, because all I can think of is 'I wish he was here' 'I wish he could see this'
But in all honesty pretty much everything pisses me off these days. I'm pissed when I see happy couples because I want the love of my life back. I'm pissed when I see unhappy couples, don't they know how lucky they are to be alive and have each other right there. Let's face it I'm just pissed when I see couples period! I'm pissed when I see old people, because they're old and Clint will never grow old with me.
(Sorry about the overusage of the word pissed.)

I don't want to be angry
I want to be happy
And sometimes I really am
But I just miss him
So much
Every second

I know that I am truly blessed, sometimes it's just hard to think of that through the grief
But I am
I am loved by the most amazing man
I have three amazing boys who love me even through all my craziness
I have an awesome, supportive extended family
I have the greatest friends
I have a Heavenly Father who loves me (even when I'm angry with him)
And a Savior who died for me, and who knows exactly how I'm feeling
Plus a million other things I've been blessed with

I guess I just need to try harder to concentrate on the blessings list and not so much on the pissed off list

I'm trying, I'm really trying