Pinewood Derby

I have not hated two words so much in a long time!
These two words have brought out so much anger in me and I don't know how to deal with it.
I am so angry that Clint is not here to help Nik & Nate with their cars. He would have loved it! And I'm sure they would've had amazing cars! Now don't get me wrong we are super lucky to have lots of uncles and grandpa's around to help, plus our ward set up days to cut them out and put the weights in which was so helpful. But I'm just so mad that Clint's not here, I just don't want to have to deal with it at all.
Oh and did I mention the best part of all of this. Guess when the pinewood derby is, just take a guess...of all the days there are it just has to be on February 16. Really. Are you freaking kidding me!

I just feel like I was doing pretty well. I was actually starting to sleep better and feeling like maybe life was going to be ok and I could do this. And then this comes. Now I haven't been able to sleep and my patience level, especially with my poor boys, is at an all time low. I'm just struggling.

I know this all sounds pretty stupid. I mean really it's just the pinewood derby. But I don't want to be angry all the time. I really want to be happy, and more than anything I want my boys to be happy. I don't want their memories of their first pinewood derby to be of me being miserable. I want them to have fun, but I also don't know if I can do fun on that particular day. Uuugghh, I just hate all of this!

Sorry for the venting, I'm just going to shut up now and go take some advil pm and hope I can fall asleep before 3 am