Really missing Clint tonight. I feel like I'm failing at this single parenting business, it sucks!! I miss having him take over when he'd get home from work. I miss being able to call him and tell him the boys are driving me crazy. I miss asking him what to do when they just keep pushing all my buttons. I just miss him! It's been long enough, I just want him back!
I know how lucky I am to have my boys. They are so amazing and I'm truly blessed to be their mom. But everything just seemed so much easier when there were two of us to figure it all out.
But here's to hoping I can still figure it out. One day at a time...

We're still alive and kicking over here.
Life just gets too busy.
Summer has definitely thrown us off our schedule and we are all sleep deprived.
I will try to update soon, although that seems very overwhelming because it's been so long and there are so many things to post about.
Thanks to all our friends and family that keep us going.....one day at a time!
Love you all!

Seriously why am I awake right now! So much for the melatonin working so great :(
I have so much on my mind. Have really been struggling the last few days. I just feel so lonely, and it's not that I haven't been around people lately. I just don't know what it is, it's like a whole new loneliness has set in.
I don't understand where it's coming from. I just passed the 2 year mark of Clint's diagnosis (it was on Saturday), so I don't know if that's it. Plus it's my birthday tomorrow. I don't know why that bothers me so much. But it does. I just really hate the thought that I'm getting older without him. I've never cared about getting older, but I also always thought we'd be doing it together. It's really scary to think that I only have a couple more years and I'll be older than he got to be.
I just miss him so much! I'd give anything to just feel his arms around me, or to feel his kiss on my lips. I really need him. What was God thinking? I really don't want to do this alone anymore.
Ugh! I really need some sleep. Hopefully I'll get some and then things will seem a little brighter. It's a good thing I have three amazing boys who keep me going. Love those little guys more than anything!
One Day At A Time!
I can do this!

Oh Nate

So the last few weeks the boys have had homophones for their spelling words. A couple weeks ago they had the words vain, vein, and vane so I was trying to explain the different meanings for them all. We talked about the vein in your body and the weather vane and then I was trying to explain vain. I said something like "If you think you're prettier than someone or better than someone than you're vain" and Nate looked up at me and said "That's how I felt before you cut my hair". I was laughing SO hard. He was so serious, I don't think he's ever going to forgive me for cutting his hair! Oh Nate I love you!! And I'm really sorry that you don't feel so vain anymore ;)

This past weekend I did something so far out of my comfort zone.
I went to the LDS widow & widowers conference.
I did not know a single person there and for those of you who know me at all you know that I am NOT a people person! In fact I almost turned around and walked out when I got there.
But what an amazing experience!! I learned SO much and met so many amazing people. It was really nice to be surrounded by so many others who unfortunately understood what it's like to have lost a spouse.
The title of this conference was "Finding Joy In Your Journey" and when I got home some one had posted this on facebook and it reminded me of some of the things I'd heard at the conference. (except I would change the 'have' to 'had')

I know I still have a life to live, still don't know what it will consist of, but I do know that I came away with a renewed desire to be happy. And more than anything I want my three amazing boys to be happy!
Another thing I came away from this conference with was how blessed I really am. I was one of the few people there who is lucky enough to be surrounded by amazing supportive family (amazing in-laws included) and amazing friends. I really don't know how people get through something like this without support. So to all of you out there who are there for me every single day, thank you SO much, you truly will never know how much you mean to me!

Plus it was a great reminder that I have eternity to look forward to with the most incredible man there is! Can't wait!! I love you sweetie!

Hair Cuts

So the boys have all needed hair cuts for a very very long time! Nate has been 'growing his out' for a while and let's just say he doesn't have the best hair for a long style. I did feel pretty bad because he was pretty tore up when I was cutting it. He actually started crying when I was cutting the back and said "that's my favorite part" :( it was pretty sad. So I promised him he could try growing it out again and next time we'll get a 'real' hair cutter to cut it so it looks better.

Nate before
another before
Nate after
Nik before
Nik after
I don't know why I didn't get a picture of Noah's before and after but I'll get a picture of him on here soon!

Fire Truck Fun!

It really pays off to have an uncle who's a fireman!
Uncle Trevor and the other fireman on his crew stopped by our house (it was a slow fire day ;) and my boys got to go for a ride in the 100 ft bucket! They loved it and are still talking about it! Thank Uncle Trevor for making a boring Tuesday into such a fun one! We love you!!

These pictures really don't show just how high in the air they were, it was crazy!
Hanging out over the house
and over the neighbors houses


They thought they were pretty cool!

Trafalga

Trying to get our monies worth out of our pass of all passes.

I know I really need to work on my picture taking :)

Nate
Nik & Noah
Noah

I'm sure there will be many more 'exciting' times at trafalga this year! Yippee!

Night at the Museum

Last month we went to the Hutchings Museum when they had their Night at the Museum night. Well it was really overrated. If you've never been to the museum before then it might have been worth going but for us it was pretty much just an hour of standing in the freezing cold to spend another hour in a very slow moving line seeing things we'd already seen before. Not exciting. But at least now we know :( Here are the only pictures I got, and yes I know they are all horrible but I was frozen and ornery :)

It's impossible to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

Really missing Clint tonight. So glad we made so many amazing memories. Can't wait to make more some day. So blessed that I get him forever.

But right now I just really miss him :(

Happy Birthday to the most amazing sister in law and aunt we could ever ask for! I hope you know how much we love you! Happy Birthday Camie!!!

Moab

We went to Moab this last weekend because my brother Trevor ran a 55K trail run (yep he's crazy, and he did awesome!) It was a lot of fun. There are so many memories of Clint there, but we definitely missed jeeping :( Here are a ton of pictures from our weekend!

February 23, 2012 Feb 23, 2012 by Amy Jepperson View Album Play slideshow If you are having problems viewing this email, copy and paste the following into your browser: https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=110991170974645628836&target=ALBUM&id=5712566528263915409&authkey=Gv1sRgCNeOmM25q9jNLA&invite=CNSUiccE&feat=email To share your photos or receive notification when your friends share photos, get your own free Picasa Web Albums account.

We met up with some of our family on the 16th at the cemetery to release some balloons up to Clint

Hope they made it to him
Nate was feeling pretty sick so he didn't come with us :( but I saved him a balloon that he released later. Love my boys!
We sure miss you sweetie!

Pinewood Derby

So as much as I was dreading the pinewood derby, it ended up being such a great experience for the boys.

I'm pretty sure Clint must've listened when I told him he'd better blow on the cars so they didn't lose too bad :) because they did amazing!

Here is Nik with his car. He took 3rd place overall!

And here's Nate, he took 3rd place in the wolves.

They each took 1st place in two heats!

They were so proud of their cars!
They had SO much fun, and it made a hard day just a little easier for all of us. Thanks to everyone who came and supported them!!

And who knew we could make some pretty great cars ;)

I just want to say thanks to everyone that helped me to survive, not only today, but the last year. I have the most amazing friends and family ever! I was completely spoiled with all the cards, flowers, candy, texts, fb messages and everything else. I love you all and am so blessed!

I promise to post about the pinewood derby soon. Nik & Nate had so much fun and had the biggest cheering section by far!!

One year ago today we were here in what was supposed to be our kitchen. You were having a couple friends check things out to make sure the house was worth buying and it didn't have any major issues. I will never ever forget that day.
I had no idea that it would be the last day I would ever have a coherent conversation with you. I think you knew, and I guess I should've known when you looked up at me while you were sitting in the kitchen of this house and said "I can die now". If I'd known that it was going to be our last day there are so many things I would've said to you. I would've made sure you knew how much I love you, and how strong and amazing you truly are. Do you really know how happy you made me?
I can't believe that it has been an entire year since you kissed me goodnight for the last time. I don't think you ever went a day (unless you were out of town) without kissing me. Even if we were arguing (well if I was arguing, you never argued back) you would still make it a point to kiss me goodmorning and goodnight no matter what. I miss your kisses!
I miss so many things about you. I still wake up every morning wondering where you are, wondering how this is my life. I still can't believe you're gone. I can't believe that somehow me and the boys have survived an entire year without you. Please be with us tomorrow. Help us get through the day, plus it wouldn't hurt if you gave the boys cars an extra push at the pinewood derby ;)
I love you so much sweetie and miss you every single second! Can't wait til I get to see you and feel your arms around me again. And you better make up for all these days of kisses that I'm missing. Love you!!

I was sitting downstairs doing some work and feeling sorry for myself when I looked over and saw this...

I couldn't help but laugh out loud. The boys had put their tshirt magnets over their pictures like they were wearing them. So lucky I have these boys to make me smile and remember what life's all about! Love them!

I HATE FEBRUARY!
It's going to be rough. So here's hoping I can at least accomplish these things everyday.

Love this

Pinewood Derby

I have not hated two words so much in a long time!
These two words have brought out so much anger in me and I don't know how to deal with it.
I am so angry that Clint is not here to help Nik & Nate with their cars. He would have loved it! And I'm sure they would've had amazing cars! Now don't get me wrong we are super lucky to have lots of uncles and grandpa's around to help, plus our ward set up days to cut them out and put the weights in which was so helpful. But I'm just so mad that Clint's not here, I just don't want to have to deal with it at all.
Oh and did I mention the best part of all of this. Guess when the pinewood derby is, just take a guess...of all the days there are it just has to be on February 16. Really. Are you freaking kidding me!

I just feel like I was doing pretty well. I was actually starting to sleep better and feeling like maybe life was going to be ok and I could do this. And then this comes. Now I haven't been able to sleep and my patience level, especially with my poor boys, is at an all time low. I'm just struggling.

I know this all sounds pretty stupid. I mean really it's just the pinewood derby. But I don't want to be angry all the time. I really want to be happy, and more than anything I want my boys to be happy. I don't want their memories of their first pinewood derby to be of me being miserable. I want them to have fun, but I also don't know if I can do fun on that particular day. Uuugghh, I just hate all of this!

Sorry for the venting, I'm just going to shut up now and go take some advil pm and hope I can fall asleep before 3 am

Everyone should watch this. It's about 25 minutes and it's so great!
http://byutv.org/watch/97be8249-7b2a-4249-b9dc-ceb70dc2315d

One of the best ways to have a little heaven in your home is to have someone you love in heaven

I miss you sweetie!

Jepperson Family Christmas Party

Here are some pictures from the 2011 Jepperson Family Christmas Party

Here are all the kids waiting for Santa to come in. I love how excited kids get about seeing Santa :)

Here's Noah

Here's Nik

And here's Nate...he asked for a guitar

Here are all the kids (and Grandma) being reindeer and singing with Santa

We always go on a hay ride at the end of this party. I usually dread it (I really hate being cold:) but this year I actually kinda enjoyed it. It wasn't too freezing and the boys love it!

Here is Max & Nik

Nik, Noah & Mom

Camie & Grandma J

Jeff, Lilly, Sidney & Nate

This was pretty much the only extended family party we went to this year since we were out of town for the Dorton party so I'm glad we went. It was a really good night!

Gingerbread Houses

Our annual gingerbread house making tradition with Camie, Jeff, Max & Lilly. It's always a fun time! Really missed Clint, he really loved making these every year!


We made the house and Camie made the train. I think we all did a pretty dang good job. I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty proud of that house! Too bad by the next day it was stripped of most candy and looked pretty sad :)

So I'm going to try to do some catch up on the blog since I suck at keeping it updated lately.

I had to post these pictures of Noah. I know the pictures are really bad but they're the best I have. Noah has lost his two front bottom teeth in the last little while, it's so cute! They were both loose forever and he would not pull them out. They were hanging on by a thread for so long until they pretty much just fell out in his hand.

Finally they are both out!

I told him that he could now sing 'All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth' and he looked at me and said "Mom, that is NOT what I want for Christmas"
Love this kid!