Merry Christmas!!
What an amazing day, we are so blessed. Thanks to everyone who made it so great, we got spoiled (and even more spoiled from someone who left presents on our porch, thanks so much we love them)!
We have the best family and friends in the world! Love you!!

10 months...

I can't believe it's been that long. But I can't believe that it's only been that long. (I know I say that every month)

My thoughts and feelings are just so screwed up. Some moments it seems like he is just gone to work and will walk through the door any second. And then the next moment it will feel like it's been decades since I've seen his smile, or felt his touch. It can seriously change in a heartbeat. I still walk by his picture sometimes and think 'why are you not here, where are you' Of course I know where he is, but it just feels like he should still be here. I'm still not sure how we are surviving without him, but somehow we make it through the days.

I miss you sweetie! More than I could ever express!!


I have SO much to blog about but I've been seriously lacking motivation lately. These holidays are kind of throwing me for a loop, but I do need to give a shout out to the most amazing friends (you know who you are)! Without you we wouldn't have a decorated tree, let alone two, or all those presents underneath it. I would not survive without you!! And I definitely don't deserve you, but I hope you know how much I love you both! THANK YOU!!

struggling...

tired...

trying...

miss him...

one day at a time.

Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for. Sometimes it's hard to think of the good things in my life because of the one huge thing that's not in it right now (at least not the way I want him in it). So I really needed to count my blessings today to remember how blessed I truly am...

I am so thankful for eternal families! I am thankful for my knowledge of the plan of salvation and the blessings of the temple. And especially for my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am so thankful for good friends! You know I wouldn't survive without you.

I am thankful for all the family, friends and even strangers who have gotten me through the last 19+ months. Your thoughts and prayers have held me up so many (well let's be honest, most) days. You will never know how much you truly mean to me.

I am so thankful for my three boys! You are the biggest blessing in my life. You each have a piece of your daddy in you that keeps him here with us everyday! I love that I see him every time I look at you!

Mostly, I am so thankful that I am sealed to such an amazing man! He taught me so much. He showed me what true love really is. He taught me about service and loving others (yes I know I am working on this one ;). He always made me feel so strong and like I was capable of anything. He showed me the kind of person I hope to be someday. I can't wait to spend forever with you sweetie! I love you!!

There are so many more things I am thankful for today. But I have a lot of rolls to make so I better go get started :) Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

9 months and I still miss you every second :( I love you sweetie!

Happy Birthday Sweetie

Happy Birthday to the most amazing man I have ever known.
I miss you more than I could ever say.
So do your boys. They keep saying things like "I really wish dad was here for his birthday".
Nothing is the same without you here. Even the good things aren't as good because you aren't here to share them with us.
I ate some of your moms pumpkin pie for you today. It made me sad.
It is really hard not to be mad on days like today.
You should be here. With me. With our boys.
I should be teasing you because you are SO old.
We should be eating pumpkin pie together.
I hate this.
I miss you.
I love you.

I really wish I could just close my eyes and wake up in March. I don't know if I can make it through the next few months without him. I really miss him.

Had such a fun night tonight!
And I'm so glad my boys are having so much fun hanging out with cousins this weekend.
But this house is really empty right now.
And it really sucks not having someone to come home too :(

'You never know the sacredness of a smile or laugh until you can't hear or see the one you most love'.
Feeling so alone.
Really wish I could just sleep.

Sea World

So on our second full day in San Diego we went to Sea World. It is definitely one of my favorite places in the world. It brought back a lot of memories of being there in January with Clint. It was a little hard but those are such good fun memories (his cowboy hat, getting soaked at the dolphin show, oh I miss him). So I didn't really take any good pictures at Sea World and sadly didn't get any with the Allens :( probably because 90% of the pictures I took that day didn't have people in them just animals, oops :)
Again prepare yourself for picture overload...

The boys at the dolphin show

Dolphin Show

Dolphin Show

One of the many aquariums

Nik

Noah & Nate (sorry about the crappy pic:)

Noah & Nate (who was being a brat and wouldn't turn around)

Nate, Nik, Noah with the beluga whales

Nate with the polar bear (his favorite animal!

Nate with polar bear #2

Nik with the polar bear

I love turtles

Shamu-My favorite thing about Sea World!

Shamu :)

Shamu

Shamu

Shamu

Nate, Nik, Noah with the penguins

Cheryl bought all the boys stuffed animals (and Abby got a super cute shirt). They LOVE them! (well at least I know my boys do:) I'm pretty sure they've slept with them every night. We love Grandma Cheryl! My boys thought it was so cool that she sat in all the splash zones with Brady.
Blake, Noah, Nate, Nik, Cheryl, Brady
We had so much fun! I wish we could do it everyday!
Travis & Michelle are you ready to go back yet?

Stay tuned for our day at the ocean.....

It's been 8 months today.
I really can't believe it's been that long. Time just keeps going even when I'm not sure I can.
I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends and family who help me stay semi sane :) And my boys who are still the reason I get out of bed every morning, love them so much!
So I guess we'll just keep going. One day at a time. Until we get to see him again.
Miss you sweetie!

LEGOLAND

We had such a great time in San Diego! I'm really wishing we could go back, especially since it's been freezing and raining ever since we came back home (it even snowed for a little bit at our house on Thursday:( I'm SO not ready for winter weather)
On Friday we met up with Travis, Michelle, Brady, Blake, Abby, and Cheryl (Travis' mom) at the hotel in La Jolla. We went out for a yummy dinner and went and walked around the temple. After that the kids wanted to go swimming, it wasn't super warm so they didn't last too long in the pool but they had fun!

The next day we went to Legoland. It was such a great place for the boys, they are the perfect age for it. They even told me more than once that they liked it more than disneyland!
So get prepared for a lot of pictures...

Here are all the kids with Darth Vader
Nate, Nik, & Brady on the log ride
Nik, Brady, & Blake went on this ship ride where they got soaked, mainly by Nate, Noah, & Abby who sprayed them from the sidelines :)
Noah, me, & Nate on a fun ride. This was like the tidal wave ride at lagoon except the ship turns sideways as well as goes back & forth.
Here is Travis, Abby, Brady, Blake, & Nik on the tidal wave ride
Here are the kiddos in front of Lego Las Vegas, it really was amazing to see all the things they did with legos
Travis and the boys went on this ride (think tea cups) Yeah us girls were smart and opted out of this one :)
Of course we had to get a picture with Lego Harry and Hagrid
Nik wanted a pic with Indiana Jones
And Noah had to have a picture with Bob the Builder :)
One of the boys favorite things at legoland was the lego cars. They loved it! They got a drivers license which they all thought was so cool. They got to drive all around a little lego city complete with stop lights and everything. So much fun!
Here is Brady
And Noah
And Nik
And Blake
And Nate
There was a big splash pad area which the kids played at forever
And of course they had to do the big slide

They had a bunch of fun halloween stuff around. Here they are with a silly scarecrow
And they got locked up...
Nik & Nate
Noah & Abby

Blake & Abby
Brady & Travis went on this crazy ride!
So did Blake (although he had a little less crazy level of ride :)
This is what Noah did every chance he got, if there was something around that could possibly be climbed on he was climbing on it!
Some other fun things we did there but didn't get any pictures of were... making lego pumpkins for the pumpkin patch, building and racing lego cars and going to the 'Brick or Treat' area where they got a bag full of goodies!
It was such a great day! The boys had such a fun time and have been playing with their legos non stop since we got home. Love it!

California

Made it to San Diego today. It's beautiful here, really wish I could afford to live here.
The boys did amazing on the drive. They really are good little travelers.
I struggled a little. I really miss my driver. There were quite a few times when I was driving that I would just burst into tears. It's so hard not having him here. I never use to drive anywhere. Even when we came to California in January he drove the entire way (I promise I offered). We always made such a great team on road trips. He would drive and I would navigate.
It's hard being here without him. He loved the beach so much. When we were here last that is the one thing that he wished he could do was get in the ocean. We talked about how the next time we came he'd be able to be out there swimming with the boys, I never thought the next time we came it would be without him. Well hopefully he can get a little break from his business in heaven and get to be with me & the boys when we go to the beach.
Today is just one of those days where I can't believe he is really gone. We aren't supposed to be on vacation without him. He should be here. Struggling...

Light the Night

What an amazing night!
We had such a great time. On our way home the boys asked me if we could do this every year :) that says a lot. (Of course it might have been because of the bounce houses and the face painting and the fun tattoos :)
Thank you SO much to all who donated, it's such a great cause.

Here are some pictures from our night...

We made shirts for our team (40 of them). For not knowing what we were doing I think they turned out pretty dang good :)
Here is the front
Here is the back
Me & My Boys
The walk getting under way
Our awesome banner

The whole gang, yep I have an amazing family!
We had so much fun! I even ran into our 2 favorite PA's, Shar and Ali, it was SO great to see them!
There was a remembrance ceremony before the walk which was also really good, pretty emotional but good. I'm glad the boys got to be there for that.
On our way home the boys and I stopped at Denny's for dinner (yes it was almost 10, but we were hungry). I'm so blessed to have those three amazing boys in my life!
This will definitely be an annual thing for us, so plan on joining our team next year!
Go Team Friends 4 Clint!

Thanks Everyone!!!